Funny quotes about Harry Potter?10 points!?

Question

I went to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2 last night with my best friend, and since that we've been posting things on each others' walls like 'Interrupting dinner because there's a troll in the dungeon' and 'may my basilisk slytherin to your chamber of secrets?'
Pretty much anything we find remotely funny.
Please can I have as many good quotes as you can find?
Thanks!

Answer 1

Have you heard of Platform 9 and 3/4? Well, I can think of something else with the exact same measurements.

If you were a Dementor, I'd become a criminal just to get your kiss.

My name may not be Luna, but I sure know how to Lovegood!

Hagrid's not the only giant on campus, if you know what I mean.

Your name must be Severus Severus, because you're making my prince full blood.

Interested in making some magic together? My wand is at the ready.

I must have had some Felix Felicis, because I think I'm about to get lucky.

Without you I feel like I'm in Azkaban and dementors are sucking away my soul.

I've been whomping my willow thinking about you.

If I were to look into the Mirror of Erised, I'd see the two of us together.

You are like a bottle of Skele-Gro: You're growing me a bone.

You must be magical, because I've fallen under your spell.

I'm not wearing an invisibility cloak, but do you think I could still visit your restricted section tonight?

I'd like to get my basilisk into your chamber of secrets.

You don't even have to say "Luminos Maxima" to turn me on!

Have you been using the Petrificus Totalus spell? Because you've made me stiff.

Do you want to head to the Shrieking Shack? We could do some shrieking of our own.

Are you using the Confundus charm or are you just naturally mind blowing?

Come on, let's do it Hippogriff style!

One night with me and they'll be calling you MOANING Myrtle.

You can have the portkey to my heart.

Yo mama's so fat that the Sorting Hat put her in all four houses!

Yo mama's so fat that a wingardium leviosa spell couldn't lift her.

Yo mama's so fat, she makes Hagrid look like "Mini-me".

Yo mama's so ugly, even a dementor wouldn't kiss her!

Yo mama's so fat the Sorting Hat assigned her to the House of Pancakes.

Yo mama's so old, she used to babysit Dumbledore.

Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Sirius Black is a hip hop station on satellite radio.

Yo mama's so stupid she thinks Patronus is a kind of Tequlia.

Yo Mama's so fat, her Patronus is a Double-Whopper with Cheese.

Yo mama's the reason that Dumbledore turned gay.

Yo mama's so fat, she used the invisibility cloak as a bib.

Yo Mama's so ugly, everybody calls her "She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Naked"

Yo mama's so fat that even the Dementors can't suck her soul out in one sitting.

Yo mama's so pasty, she makes Ron Weasely look like George Hamilton.

Yo mama's so fat, she looked in the mirror of Erised and saw a ham!

Yo mama's so old she gave Nicholas Flamel his first kiss.

Yo mama's so ugly that the Dementor's Kiss was swapped out for a hearty handshake and a promise to give her a call sometime.

Yo mama's so stupid, she drowned in a pensieve

Yo mama's so dumb she thought that she could talk to snakes if she put parsley on her tongue

Yo mama's so nasty, every pair of her panties has the Dark Mark on them.

Yo mama's so fat that if she confronted a boggart it would morph into a treadmill.

Yo Mama's so ugly that even Voldemort won't say her name.

Yo mama's so fat that the sorting hat couldn't decide where to put her - she couldn't fit in any of the houses!!

Yo mama's so fat, she ate the Death Eaters.

Yo mama's so masculine that Dumbledore would sleep with her!

Yo mama's so poor that Dobby gave her a sock to keep her foot warm.

Yo mama's such a tramp that she's given more rides than the Hogwarts Express!

Yo mama's so fat even Grawp can't pick her up!

Yo mama's so smelly, Bertie Bott made her his next jelly bean flavor.

Yo mama's so ugly that she lost a beauty contest to Mountain Troll.

Yo mama's so ugly that when the basilisk snuck up on her and saw her face, HE dropped dead.

Yo mama's so ugly that when she walked into Gringotts Wizarding Bank, they gave her a job application.

Yo mama's such a tramp that she's like a quidditch broomstick - everyone gets a ride.

Yo mama's so dumb that a stupify spell actually made her smarter.

Yo mama's so fat they'd have to use transfiguration to sneak her through the hole in the Gryffindor Tower.

Ya mama's so fat, her wand is a Slim Jim.

Yo mama's so fat the core of her wand has a cream filling.

Yo mama's so ugly that Voldemort took one look at her and killed HIMSELF!"

Yo mama's so poor she had to go to the Weasley's for a loan.

Yo mama's so ugly, she thought that Hogwarts were the growth on her thigh.

Yo mama's so ugly that when she asked Crabbe to take her to the Yule Ball, he decided to go with Goyle instead!



Hope I helped!! :) Mischeif Managed ;)

Answer 2

•Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone

Dudley: They stuff people's heads down the toilet the first day at Stonewall. Want to come upstairs and practice?

Harry: No, thanks. The poor toilet's never had anything as horrible as your head down it -- it might be sick.



•Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone

1st Weasley Twin: Oh, are you a prefect, Percy? You should have said something, we had no idea.

2nd Weasley Twin: Hang on, I think I remember him saying something about it. Once --

1st Weasley Twin: Or twice --

2nd Weasley Twin: A minute --

1st Weasley Twin: All summer --

Percy: Oh, shut up!



•Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone

Professor McGonagall: Well, thank you for that assessment, Mr Weasley. Perhaps it would be more useful if I were to transfigure Mr Potter and yourself into a pocket watch. That way, one of you might be on time.



•Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone

Dumbledore: I was unfortunate enough in my youth to come across a vomit-flavored one, and since then I have rather lost my liking for them. But, I think I could be safe with a nice toffee. (eats it)

Dumbledore: ...Hmm, alas, earwax.



•Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone

(in the Devil's Snare)

Hermione: Stop moving, both of you. This is devil's snare! You have to relax. If you don't, it'll only kill you faster!

Ron: Kill us faster? Oh, now I can relax!



•Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone

Harry: So light a fire!

Hermione: Yes... of course... but there's no wood!

Ron: HAVE YOU GONE MAD! ARE YOU A WITCH OR NOT!



•Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Ron: "A Study of Hogwarts' Prefects and Their Later Careers." That sounds fascinating.



•Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Fred: Oh get out of the way, Percy. Harry's in a hurry.

George: Yeah, he's off to the Chamber of Secrets for a cup of tea with his fanged servant.



•Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Ron: Why spiders? Why couldn't it be "follow the butterflies"?



•Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Ron: Can you believe our luck? Of all the trees we could've hit, he had to get one that hits back.



•Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Draco: Sure you can manage that broom, Potter?

Harry: Yeah, reckon so

Draco: Got plenty of special features, hasn't it? Shame it doesn't come with a parachute-in case you get too near a Dementor. (Crabbe and Goyle sniggered)

Harry: Pity you can't attach an extra arm to yours, Malfoy. Then it could catch the Snitch for you.



•Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Ron: Right, you've got a crooked sort of cross… (consulting "Unfogging the Future") That means you're going to have 'trials and suffering' -- sorry about that -- but there's a thing that could be a sun… hang on… that means 'great happiness'… so you're going to suffer but be very happy…

Harry: You need your Inner Eye tested, if you ask me…



•Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Professor Lupin: Now repeat after me -- without wands please -- repeat after me, Riddikulus.

Class: Riddikulus!

Professor Lupin: And again!

Class: Riddikulus!

Malfoy: This class is ridiculous.



•Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Hermione: Ancient Egyptians used to worship cats, you know.

Ron: Yeah, along with the dungbeetle.



•Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Professor Trelawney: The study of Divination will give you the rare gift of SIGHT! (stands up, and promptly bumps into her table)



•Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Professor Trelawney: Would anyone like me to help interpret the shadowy realms within their orb?

Ron (whispering to Harry): I don't need help. It's obvious what this means. There's going to be loads of fog tonight.



•Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Ron to Pettigrew (with revulsion): I let you sleep in my bed!



•Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Fred Weasley: Anyone can speak Troll, All you have to do is point and grunt.



•Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Ron: Don't talk to me.

Hermione: Why not?

Ron: Because I want to fix that in my memory forever…

Ron (his eyes closed): Draco Malfoy, the amazing bouncing ferret...



•Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Percy: I shudder to think what the state of my in-tray would be if I was away from work for five days.

Fred: Yeah, someone might slip dragon dung in it again, eh, Perce?

Percy: That was a sample of fertilizer from Norway! It was nothing personal!

Fred (whispering to Harry): It was. We sent it.



•Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Hermione: You seem to be drowning twice.

Ron: Oh, am I? I'd better change one of them to getting trampled by a rampaging Hippogriff.

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I hope these are helpful.

Answer 3

Always surround oneself with good factors such as satisfied thoughts, determination, and men and women who believe in you.

You have to live by it, and at the same time have faith and self-confidence in your self that you are capable of reaching your goals.

Answer 4

Don't put your wand there , boy!!